How To Fix A Marriage? Start On Your Own!
February 22nd, 2012Start Fixing Things WITHOUT your spouse!
How could you possibly start on how to fix a marriage without the overt cooperation of your partner? This suggestion, I realize, may seem counterintuitive to everything you’re trying to accomplish. Some of these ideas are of a passive nature. That means you can implement them without your mate knowing what you’re doing.
And no, this isn’t a dirty or a subversive approach. It’s just a unilateral attempt to develop a better relationship. I see the puzzled look on your face. Think back for a moment to the problem of putting a negative spin on everything your spouse says.
How To Fix A Marriage – Stop Negative Spins
Do you do that? Maybe he does. Do either of you need the other to create such thoughts? No. This approach is very similar to the “negative spin” method of thinking. Only it works toward building the relationship stronger, not destroying it.
Let’s just say for the sake of an example, that you tend to see the negative in everything he says. Start to repair your marriage with your next argument (now there’s an oxymoron!). Simply refuse to view his words in the negative light you’ve held them previously. After all, you are really the only person in control of your thoughts.
Instead of reflexively reaching for the worst possible meaning hidden between the lines, refuse to look at them that way. In fact, why not go one step further? Try to view them in a positive light. And a positive, “can do”,attitude is essential when looking at how to fix a marriage.
Then after that, sit down to make a list of all the instances in which he talked positively about you or commented in a positive manner. It doesn’t matter how large or small the issue was. Go ahead. Write it down.
Persistence is The Key In How To Fix A Marriage
There is no argument that lots of hard work and will power will be needed – even more so if you intende to stick with it long term. But you know your marriage is worth it.You can’t expect any type of result only by pursuing a better relationship occasionally. I’m not going to kid you. Cast your mind back over the years you’ve been married. The problems yiou are having did not start suddenly. So don’t think they are going to be fixed just like that – its going to take time.
There will times, no doubt, that you’ll be tempted to quit. But don’t. Instead of giving in to the feeling of hopelessness, gather your strength. Take stock of any positive feedback you’ve discovered. List all the ways your marriage is getting better.
Research On How To Fix My Marriage
I’d like to share this bit of research with you. It comes from noted marriage researcher John M. Gottman, Ph.D. His research indicates that the most successful couples are not necessarily those who quickly overhauled their marriage.
He did follow-up studies with couples who had been through his counseling sessions. He specifically wanted to know what made one union last and the other didn’t. His results came as quite a surprise to him.
Those couples whose marriage improved, spent only an average of five hours a week on the topic. Less than one hour ever day, seven days a week. Imagine that!
What were they doing? For the most part, all these couples shared several concerted actions as part of an overall plan regarding how to fix a marriage.
The “Morning Goodbye Ritual” Can Really Help In How To Fix A Marriage
And the first one is what I call the “Morning Goodbye Ritual.” Before either of them left for work that day, they deliberately took the time to discover at least one event in the other’s day. A big meeting with the boss? A doctor’s appointment? Or something as simple as a shared cappuccino with an old friend.
One couple I know deliberately rises a little earlier in the morning to be able to talk while the children are still in bed. Neither is concerned with the kids running around at this time of the morning. It keeps them connected. And again this is a deliberate part of the overall strategy of how to fix my marriage.
They use the time not only to discover what’s going on in the other’s “world” as it were, but they also discuss all the world’s political and economic problems during this time. It made them feel more like adults and less like only parents! And this has to be an important step in how to fix a marriage.

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